All Is Well

It has been a while since I have last written. Time seems to be a bit relative to me since the beginning of the year (Kind of ironic considering I'm not a "Post Modernist" if you will.) Between work, school starting up again, and anticipating a new born, life has been seemingly hectic.

However, things have been very well, all things considering. In this entry, I'm going to highlight two things that have encouraged me and offered me an opportunity to hope.

Many Prayers Equal a Mini Van

No, I am not a health wealth and prosperity gospel guy. Those who know me know that I abhor it. But all praise and glory go to God who graciously provided a van for our family. As a family, we prayed during our meals and family worship time for God to provide for us a vehicle that would be able to hold all of our family. A few weeks ago, God answered our prayer.

Stacy's dad had been looking around for us in Iowa and found a red Chrysler 2000 Town & Country Limited Edition; with only 94,000 miles on it. They fellow who owned the car was a friend of Paul's and sold the van to us $2,000 under its value. We were able to get rid of the 98 Oldsmobile which helped in acquiring the van.

Through it all God has shown himself magnificent. Our children were able to tangibly see God working for his people. He has given them another memorial, a pillar if you will, to lean on when they pray to him. In 1 John 5:14-15 it says, "And this is the confidence we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. And if we know he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the request asked of him." My family and I have tasted the fruit of these verses many times. The mini van is just another testimony of our confidence in God that he hears us and answers our prayers according to His great wisdom.

I would encourage you all to pray with your children. I have learned the more that I involve them in our everyday worship, the more their faith is validated, wherever it me be. It seems that faith is built on blocks at times. Every prayer offered together is an opportunity to strengthen their resolve for their Creator.

Seminary is Sanctification

My seminary experience has been interesting to say the least. There is an unexplainable tension waring in my heart between who I am and the man God has in mind. It is as if I am going through an identity crisis of some sorts. It is almost as if I have been taken back to the time of my conversion. The time after the bliss has worn off and my sin is as real as the chair I'm sitting in and the fight to turn from it is hostile. Everyday is a struggle. Everyday is a step.

I'm learning that this experience is not uncommon to those attending seminary. As a matter of fact, if you are not experiencing this to some degree, some would say you have not really been attending seminary. There are a few facts about seminary that hurt, yet, give me hope. Let me share them with you.

1. God uses seminary to discipline you.

Everything we are experiencing, ultimately, is from the hand of God. Just as he tells the water to come this far and no further, He also tells the bank accounts to empty this much and no more, the crazy circumstance to come at this time and not that time, and the sickness to run its course and be finished. He also allows others to work for you and against you at the same time. The workings of our God are so incomprehensible that pondering them for to long forces me to cry out with Paul, "who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor? Who has given to Him as if He should repay him? For from him, and through, him, and to him are all things." (Romans 11:33-36) And the crazy thing about all of this is it is done out of love.

Hebrews 12:1-3 tells us that God only disciplines us out of love. If we put this verse in the context of the promise of Romans 8:28, we see that because all things work together for our good, that be default God himself must be good. A "bad" god or "evil" god would not work anything out for good. Jesus himself questioned the Pharisees by asking them, "how can you speak good when you are evil? (Matt 12: 34) He answers them in a way that exposes the heart. "The good person, out his good treasure brings forth good and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil." (Matt 12:35) Keeping in line with this thought, if God promises that all things work for our good in Romans 8:28, then that promise is given and motivated by his goodness. And if he is good and works all things out for our good, then the chastening he brings is good and must be welcomed as a gracious gift. And as Hebrews 12 explains, God does this out of love, just as father disciplines his son.

Keep in mind too, that discipline shows itself in a myriad of ways. It is not always through pain and suffering. Overall, my family and I love Louisville and the Village Manor (our housing complex). We love the people we meet and the experiences we have had. However, we are constantly walking through knee high water. We strive day by day with enough faith to believe that manna is enough and God's grace is sufficient.

2. God uses seminary to make us more pliable.

To be in seminary is to be broke. There is no way around it. I have seen engineers, school teachers, businessmen, and many others come to seminary and barley make it. Add in a few kids and a minimum wage job, and you really have broke. I have come to except this as part of God's working. Stacy and I enjoyed a very comfortable lifestyle in Texas. I was a school teacher and a youth pastor. I made good money for our household. We had savings and the freedom to buy what we wanted within reason. We were comfortable.

Sometimes being comfortable makes you rigid, even taut. I don't think you realize it until you are forced to bend. God takes your comfort away and works through the spiritual rigamortis to prepare you to lead his people. He applies pressure in some areas, like security, that has calcified over time into self-dependency, and he works it out like a masseuse or chiropractor, until your faith is pliant; elastic enough to be stretched, yet durable enough not to break. And this only happens when we come to realize Christ as LORD. LORD over health, wealth, faith, family, and all that is in between...you name it....he claims it! God uses seminary, the entire facet of seminary, to ensure you are equipped to do his will. Pastors must be pliable in a lot of areas of ministering. I will probably speak more on this later.

All of this being said, we have hope. We know we are called to be here in Louisville at Southern Seminary. We know that God is at work in us to work out his perfect will. We are seeing prayers answered, like the one above, and we are seeing our faith being chastened. God has been very gracious to us in providing support from our home church in Bristol, TX and our neighbors. We are loved and cared for. We have a lot of reasons to rejoice.

No matter how difficult this journey is going to get, we know that we have a Father who works in us and a mediator who advocates for us. Please continue to pray for us that God will provide as he sees fit and feel free to share your request with us. We love to pray as a family and would love to pray for you. Be good and God bless.

A Strong Rebuke From a Gentle Voice

As many of you know, I am pursuing my Master of Divinity at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. This last semester I decided to take a nice tall drink of Elementary Greek. The class was very rigorous and demanding. The language is highly inflected and demands that one memorize many paradigms and rules for translation. I spent at 2-3 hours a day memorizing vocabulary and doing translation work. Needless to say, I invested a lot of time and energy into the class. So much so, my children probably know as much as I do by mere osmosis.

Last week I inquired about my grades. I had spoken to a friend of mine that was in the class and he said that the grades were posted. When I came home from work I pulled my laptop out and logged on to my ecampus account. After negotiating through the website to find the grade page, I finally saw the fruit of my labor; a B+.

Getting a B+ in Greek is not bad. All things considered, a B+ is a good grade. I know that there were students in the class who did not do as well. However, I struggle with getting anything less than an A and with all of the work and effort I put in the class, I thought for sure I would pull off at least a low A. I was a bit disappointed.

Actually, I pouted a bit and sulked over dinner. I gazed off into space wallowing in my self pity. I even pushed aside my dinner and put my head in my hands. My wife tried to encourage me with accolades of my achievement, especially working and managing a family while going to school. However, my daughter was not as inspiring in her words to me. In fact, they were down right penetrating.

As Stacy finished her words of encouragement, there fell an moment of silence. My head was still in my hands and my mind was still wrestling with the disappointment. And then the silence broke with a soft voice....

"You know daddy, the bible says that you need to trust in the Lord with all of your heart, and lean not on your own understating; in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path." (Proverbs 3:5-6)

A soft voice turned into a thunderous rebuke. Oh how the Lord can take the mouth of a babe to speak such a glorious truth. She was right. I was not trusting the Lord and I was not acknowledging in all my ways. His grace held me all the way through Greek and a B+ is what I was to have.

The silence at the table grew thick. I kept my head in my hands, mostly out of embarrassment while my wife looked at me with smirk. Naomi continued eating her dinner occasionally gazing at me with a raised eyebrows as if she was waiting for me to say something. Finally, I had to acknowledge her.

I told her she was right (humbling) and that I was sorry for the way I acted (even more humbling). I thanked her for the the scripture.

It is an interesting thing to teach your children scripture. Part of me is proud of her for remembering the word of God and using in the the right context. Another part of me is perplexed that what I have taught her is used to rebuke me. Such an interesting dichotomy.

In the end I glorify God. He is such an amazing God. Only he has the wisdom to rebuke his servant in such a gentle and powerful manner as through a child. I praise him for putting a desire in Stacy and I to teach our children his word. Little did I know that I would eat of its fruit so soon.

Skin to Soul

I thank God for the grace he lavishes on us through sanctification. The older I get the more aware I become of just how unaware I am of myself. You would think by now, after ten plus years of walking with Christ, that I would be further along in my in spiritual journey. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I believe I have barely scratched the surface of my eternal relationship with Christ. Eternal, that is such a weighty word. Maybe that is why the task of sanctification seems so daunting. Sanctification seems as though it will never end. Sin runs deep in my veins. It is at the very core of my being. How can something that is so intertwined with who I am be purged out in such certainty?

That is the amazing work of the blood of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit. That is why at times I marvel at the incomprehensibility of the God of the universe! "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" "Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:33-36) In this I can testify with John Newton, "… That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour."

With all of that being said, I have come to recognize something about me that is unsettling. By God's mercy, I have become aware of the shallowness of my love for people. I find myself not willing to get past the surface of people's lives. I really do not care about people. I do not care about the hardships they face...the emptiness, the darkness, the pain, and so on. I do not care about racial reconciliation between African Americans and Caucasians, or the worthiness of women beyond aesthetical decadence. I really do not care about their death and descent into an eternal abyss (and all that comes with the fruits of hell) apart from the mesmerizing beauty and wonder of Christ our Lord and the Father.

If I cared, my thoughts would be more gentle and my attitude less apathetic. My motives would be more cordial and my judgment less critical. My eyes would see differently and my heart would love more radically. I would weep with those who weep and rejoice with the angels over one sinners repentance. I would be able to see unbelievable endings to small beginnings; like a mustard seed of faith. I would really believe the gospel.

I am going to begin a series "Skin to Soul" on my blog. In this series, I am prayerfully pursuing the root of my apathy towards loving people. I will examine my heart's attitude and reaction to people I encounter. I will search my soul for reasons why I am reacting the way I am reacting and then try to interpret my feelings, motives, attitudes, etc, though God's word. I am open to your input in this matter. If you have any suggestions, constructive criticisms, or stories of your own, I encourage you to participate.

I will say that I am anxious about this endeavor. My hunch is I am going to find that my apathy is not necessarily towards people, but towards God himself. This is scary on so many levels. However, in the end, God is merciful. He loves me as His own and will do what is necessary for His glory and my joy. Being a great sinner could make this journey undeniably unbearable… if Christ was not such a great savior! I look forward to the journey.