Introduction
The other day my oldest daughter asked why God commands us to count it all joy when we face various trials in life. I turned her attention to the book of James, leading her through the first chapter and outlining the theological truths given to us pertaining to this matter. We explored other passages as well in1 Peter, Philippians, and Romans. After about thirty minutes of reading and dialoging, we prayed together and went about our day. This was not the first faith talk of the day, nor was it the last. My wife and I have chosen to be very intentional in the spiritual formation of our children. Unfortunately, this sort of discussion rarely happens in most Christian homes today.
In A Parent Privilege: That the Next Generation Might Know, Steve Wright undertakes the task of outlining a biblical framework in which parents should intentionally operate in disciplining their children. He offers his assessment and insight pertaining to families in the church through twenty years of youth ministry and parenting three children of his own. Through his passion and commitment to families and biblical orthodoxy, Wright offers the reader a clear and concise roadmap to recovering the home for the glory of God.
Summary
The book is organized into eight chapters with a final section dedicated to the prodigal child. Each chapter unpacks a particular aspect of parenting and offers a necessary element that enables the parent to be successful. In the first chapter, Wright shows that despite what many parents believe, their children are listening to them. Wright makes his case through a considerable amount of statistical data and biblical passages. He also points out that many children desire to be led by their parents, especially in the area of spiritual formation. The sad reality is that many families in the church are struggling in a culture made tension that says the generations cannot connect. In this chapter Wright deals with this issue and offers the reader a clear gaze through the cultural mud. He plainly shows that God has created the family to work coherently under his order. Children long for their parent’s instruction and parents are not to be apathetic. I believe Wright captures this thought well when he asks, “Why are parents commanded over and over again to talk to their children about spiritual things? It’s because children listen to their parents-God wrote this on their hearts.” (21)
In chapters two through four, Wright offers the biblical framework in which proper family discipleship works. In chapter two he points out that a parents words have a significant power over the child. With their words, a parent can strategically defend and protect their children in the ever shifting culture. Wright states, “When we speak, it must be with the realization that God has given our words significance. God has given our words value.” (28) In chapter three Wright outlines the theology of the family. He defines the theology of family as thinking about how God thinks about family. (48) He offers seven foundations of the theology of family. He undergirds these foundations with the idea that our children will not just pick up understanding of Christian family just by getting older. He says, “We must take hold of the privilege to share a theology of family with the child. They need to hear from us first because they are already hearing from many others.” (59) In chapter four, Wright gives distinctive marks of authentic parenting and how it changes our child rearing. There are four distinctive marks beginning with parents modeling their faith and ending with a desire for the parent to see Jesus capture their child’s heart. (64)
In the following three chapters Wright moves from the philosophical to the practical. In chapter five he begins with redirecting the value system. He makes the point that we commit to what we value; no matter the cost, the time, the distance, or how hard it is to pull off. (78) He then offers eight essential principles that must guide everything we do. (79) He states the obvious such as prayer and giving our children to God daily. However, he also says that parenting must be relational and generational and that we must be active in looking for invitations of God’s work. (84)
Wright uses chapter six to show that the old adage that it takes a village to raise a child is true. He explores how the church is to help assist and equip parents in discipleship matters. The church is God’s grace to the family. Parents are not alone in the task of discipleship. Wright says, “Just like my dad teaching me to ride a bike, the church reaches out, supports, guides, protects. If we crash, the church will be there to help the healing begin. God gave us the church because we need the church. We cannot do it without her.” (110)
Chapter seven gives the reader the practical ability to start doing family ministry now. The list is more of a springboard to get the philosophy and process rolling. He offers ideas that allow the family to move into the role slowly. First off, a great way to begin family discipleship is by praying as a family over meals and bedtimes. Next he moves into things like journaling and home bible studies. Wright also examines how milestones in spiritual maturity are important to foster and celebrate. He speaks of passage trips, where a father and son or mother and daughter take a long weekend to do something sentimental to mark certain points of faith. He ends the chapter with a call to remember what’s at stake. “How far would you go to protect the lives of your children? How far would you go to look after the eternal soul of your child? Remember Christ’s warning, “The thief comes only to steal and destroy (John 10:10).” (131)
In chapter eight, one of my favorite chapters, Wright exhorts the fathers. He explains clearly and biblically the important roles fathers play in the lives of their children. With the lack of paternal commitment in our society, this exhortation rings loud and clear; “Dad, your modeling is irreplaceable.” (139) Wright spends the entire chapter outlining the significance of a father’s presence and active involvement in the home as father and husband. With precise mandates from the bible, Wright roars like a lion against the infidelity of today’s fathers in their commitment to their families’ spiritual welfare.
In closing, he encourages parents with prodigal children to hold fast. Through self-evaluation, repentance, and prayer, there is hope the child may come to the Lord. Wright encourages the parent to change what needs to be changed and to immediately begin modeling biblical parenting. All of us at one time were prodigals. By God’s mercy, we were drawn to him and his saving grace. This gives us hope for our children who have gone astray.
Critical Evaluation
Steve Wright’s book A Parent Privilege: That the Next Generation Might Know is well written and a valuable resource to parents. He has taken a tremendous topic that has been long neglected and adequately addressed the theological and practical issues. In only a matter of 176 pages, Wright passionately persuades the reader of the fall out of families not taking the primary role in their child’s spiritual formation and offers them a reasonable and practical solution. The read is quick and not intimidating. He avoids using weighty terms and complex phrases. He handles the theological principles with ease and care for the casual reader without watering down the substance. Wright is forthright in his context, yet gentle in his delivery. The book flows in a logical progression first identifying the problem and ending with a solution. A Parent Privilege is a resource for all pastors, parents, and those considering a family now and for future generations.
I have only three small critiques of this book. First, the issue of marriage could be elaborated on more. With the tremendous effects of post modernism on our society and the church, the reader needs to be more aware of why God hates divorce, the equal yet different roles of men and women, and the consequence of homosexuality as a valued lifestyle. All of these factors are major players in the plight of families today.
Second, women, after reading this book, might not see their role as significant as the fathers. Secular feminism has skewed the roles of both men and women in our society and their roles in the home. We cannot swing from one extreme to the other isolating men on one side and women on the other. A chapter committed to motherhood would be a compliment to chapter eight and the overall message of the book.
Finally, when I read this book I am still left with the question, “Is this for all families?” What about families with children who have a disability? With the growing number of children being born in America today, this is a contending issue. Yet, the only mention of this topic is on page 87, when he speaks of being moved to tears over sick or special needs children. If I had a child with a disability and I was reading this book, I would not walk away with the same encouragement as a “typical” family.
Overall, Wright does an extraordinary job in explaining and defending family discipleship in the context of our culture. His passion comes through persuasively and his writing style is inviting to the reader. This book is a remarkable resource to all who interact with families in and outside the church.
