A few days ago my sister called to tell me that my mother's dog, Biscuit, died suddenly. He was a nine year old Golden Retriever who was gentle with the children and loyal to his owners. Evidently, he developed cancer in his liver and lymph-nodes. He quit eating and was bleeding internally. My parents had to make the decision to put him down after consulting with a veterinarian.We live in a time and place where pets can be more to us than just stewards or sources for our substance. God uses animals to comfort us and to bring a certain degree of joy and peace in our lives that relationships with other people do not seem to bring. God has given many animals a keen sense of intuition that keys in on our feelings and emotions; I think of dogs in particular. It was uncanny how many times I would be sitting on the couch lost in my thoughts about life and all of its worries, and Biscuit would jump up and lay his head on my lap and lift his eyes at me almost as if to say, " I know what you mean." It is no wonder we get so attached to our pets when they are with us, and why we grieve so much when the Lord takes them away.
My daughter Naomi and my son Ethan are old enough to have a history with Biscuit. My mom and dad got Biscuit about a year before Naomi was born. Biscuit was the only pet she had ever known. My wife broke the news to Naomi while picking her up after her piano lesson. Naomi was obviously upset and began to cry. She asked about grandma Susan and Papa Mike and how they were doing, which I thought was thoughtful. Then she asked a very interesting question, one that caught my attention and opened my eyes to what was going in in her heart. She asked if she could just "pretend that Biscuit was still alive."
It may seem innocent enough and rather appropriate for an eight year girl to want to just assume that death never really happens. And heaven knows that our culture strives to medicate reality in such a manner that suffering and death seem taboo. However, the way I see it, death is a reality that she is going to deal with in her life, and as her father, it is my responsibility to help her cope with death in a gospel-centered manner.
The death of a family pet is an opportune training ground for gospel-centered grieving or mourning for my children. Loosing a pet is hard, but it is not nearly as traumatic as loosing a parent or a sibling or a friend. God has allowed my daughter to feel the loss of a pet, one that is even not in the immediate family, to help her to learn to come to Him when He allows death, or whatever suffering she may endure, to enter her life.
As her father, I want to give her secure footing for when her life is turned upside down. I want her to know that God is faithful and good and loving and will be her refuge in a time of strength. And if He will be that to her when a dog that she cares about dies, how much more will He be all of those things and more to her when I die, or some else she is close to?
Later that night, before bed, I answered Naomi's question. We prayed and read the bible and then dealt with the matter at hand. God was very gracious to us and these four ideas came to mind that are mentioned below.
1. I affirmed her grief.
Naomi was hurt. I wanted her to know that her hurt was real and that God cared about it. 2 Corinthians
1:3-7 affirms that God seeks to comfort us in our affliction. 1 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all of our cares on Him for He cares for us. God cared about Naomi's grief and did not belittle her for feeling it.
2. I took her to Genesis 3.
After affirming her grief I wanted her to understand where death came from. Why do we die? Why does the world around us seem to fall apart? Why do bad things happen? Understanding this is essential for her in dealing with her grief in a gospel centered manner. She needs to know that under the condemnation of sin, the whole world groans (Romans 8:22). Through sin, death entered the world and spread to all men because all men have sinned (Romans 5:12); this includes animals. We live in a world that is deteriorating and we need to come to grips with this. This is what sin has done and continues to do; sin brings death.
3. I reminded her of God's faithfulness.
Though we live in a world that is consumed with the effects of the fall, this does not mean that God is absent. He has taken great care to show us that he is committed to pursuing us for his kingdom. I wanted Naomi to see that God is faithful in caring for his people and using sin and death for his glory. So I asked her to recount times in the bible when God was faithful to His people. We looked at things like His provision for Adam and Eve even after they sinned (Genesis 3), Joseph's brothers after they had beaten and sold Joseph into slavery (Gen 38-50), Noah and his family during and after the flood (Genesis 5-8), King David after he sinned with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 11-12), the people of Israel in the wilderness (Exodus-Numbers), the apostle Paul before and after his conversion Acts (Acts 9), and most of all, Christ our Lord (Luke 23-24). (These are paraphrased ideas. I cannot remember exactly everything we discussed, but this is the gist of it.)
4. I shared the Gospel with her.
By this point Naomi's tender heart was beginning to be encouraged. She had stopped crying and was eagerly involved in our discussion. It was at this point I told her that though death surrounds us on every side, we have a hope, and it is in Christ Jesus. I reminded her that all of have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23); including her. And that as she has seen, the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus (Romans 6:23). I encouraged her to seek the Lord for forgiveness of her sin and believe in her heart that Jesus is the Son of God and the only hope for her salvation and she will be saved (Romans 10:7-8). I told her that if this is so in your heart that "All things work out for the good of those who lvve Christ and are called according to his purposes (Romans 8:28); even the death of a pet.
In the end, the answer to Naomi's question as to if she could "pretend that Biscuit was still alive" is no she cannot. The reality is Biscuit has died and we need to deal with death head on. However, we are not without help or hope. God has promised us that he will never leave or forsake us and that he will help us in our time of trouble (Isaiah 41:10; Psalm 46:1-3). Death is a part of our life for now, but for those who are in Christ there will be a day when death will reign no more and eternal life will be ours, and we will never again deal with its harsh consequences. Until then, we will seek the Lord and find our rest in Him.
