I thank God for the grace he lavishes on us through sanctification. The older I get the more aware I become of just how unaware I am of myself. You would think by now, after ten plus years of walking with Christ, that I would be further along in my in spiritual journey. Unfortunately, that is not the case. I believe I have barely scratched the surface of my eternal relationship with Christ. Eternal, that is such a weighty word. Maybe that is why the task of sanctification seems so daunting. Sanctification seems as though it will never end. Sin runs deep in my veins. It is at the very core of my being. How can something that is so intertwined with who I am be purged out in such certainty?That is the amazing work of the blood of Christ and the work of the Holy Spirit. That is why at times I marvel at the incomprehensibility of the God of the universe! "Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God!
How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! "For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?" "Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?" For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen." (Romans 11:33-36) In this I can testify with John Newton, "… That I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour."
With all of that being said, I have come to recognize something about me that is unsettling. By God's mercy, I have become aware of the shallowness of my love for people. I find myself not willing to get past the surface of people's lives. I really do not care about people. I do not care about the hardships they face...the emptiness, the darkness, the pain, and so on. I do not care about racial reconciliation between African Americans and Caucasians, or the worthiness of women beyond aesthetical decadence. I really do not care about their death and descent into an eternal abyss (and all that comes with the fruits of hell) apart from the mesmerizing beauty and wonder of Christ our Lord and the Father.
If I cared, my thoughts would be more gentle and my attitude less apathetic. My motives would be more cordial and my judgment less critical. My eyes would see differently and my heart would love more radically. I would weep with those who weep and rejoice with the angels over one sinners repentance. I would be able to see unbelievable endings to small beginnings; like a mustard seed of faith. I would really believe the gospel.
I am going to begin a series "Skin to Soul" on my blog. In this series, I am prayerfully pursuing the root of my apathy towards loving people. I will examine my heart's attitude and reaction to people I encounter. I will search my soul for reasons why I am reacting the way I am reacting and then try to interpret my feelings, motives, attitudes, etc, though God's word. I am open to your input in this matter. If you have any suggestions, constructive criticisms, or stories of your own, I encourage you to participate.
I will say that I am anxious about this endeavor. My hunch is I am going to find that my apathy is not necessarily towards people, but towards God himself. This is scary on so many levels. However, in the end, God is merciful. He loves me as His own and will do what is necessary for His glory and my joy. Being a great sinner could make this journey undeniably unbearable… if Christ was not such a great savior! I look forward to the journey.
