Sunday, August 26, 2012

Inter-Generational Relationships: Tending The Vine of Family Discipleship

Inter-generational Relationships and the Church

Inter-generational relationships in the church provide a wonderful context for family discipleship.  Every family whom the Lord brings into the church is at a different stage of their journey.  Some are newly married, just beginning their walk on life's road as a couple.  Other families are either dealing with the terrible two's or the tumultuous teens.  And yet, others are in the golden years enjoying the blessing of grandchildren.  This diversity of generations in the church accentuates the richness of God's design for community.   The book of Titus gives us a glimpse of what this richness looks like.

Paul explains to Titus that there are people in the church who will help lead and guide the body.  Some will be elders and take on vocational shepherding roles.  Others will shepherd as mentors.  It is expected that the older men will help guide the younger men and the older women will do the same for the younger women.  This discipleship formation can range from one on one relationships to older families disciplining younger families as a whole.   The fruit of this is that believers/families will be better equipped to deny godlessness and worldly lusts and will live in a sensible, righteous, and godly way in the present age, while waiting for the blessed hope and appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ (Titus 2:12).

Inter-generational Relationships: Tending the Vine

Inter-generational relationships are in some degree like that of the vine and vine dresser.  In order for the vine to grow and produce fruit, it must be cultivated, pruned, and protected.  The vine needs substance and nutrients to grow.  So the vine dresser cultivates the soil and waters as needed.  When fruit is produced there are limbs and branches that must be trimmed for more fruit to grow.  So the vine dresser helps expose what needs to be trimmed and helps in the pruning process.  When the rain falls hard and the winds blow uncontrollably, the vine must be protected.  So the vine dresser does in providing a lattice and a cover.

I know this analogy falls in many areas, but the general idea is helpful.  The vine, being a younger family, is better equipped to survive and thrive when an older family (the vine dresser) comes along side them and intentionally cultivates, prunes, and protects their spiritual vitality.  By God's grace, my family was privileged to be cultivated, pruned, and protected by a vine dresser in our congregation.

Inter-generational Relationships at Franklin Street Church

Last Sunday the Lord blessed my wife and I with a conversation with and older gentleman in our church.  My wife and I were sitting at a table in the fellowship hall when the Sunday School teacher, a man in whom our family is very familiar with, came over and sat down.  This man is level headed, worthy of respect, sensible, and sound in faith, love, and endurance (Titus 2:2).  He is a man I admire and respect.  When he told me he wanted to talk to me about something, I gave him my full attention.

The issue he wanted to discuss revolved around how I had handled Ethan during a time of discipline when we were in their home having dinner.  Ethan is a playful little boy, who every now and then, let's his playfulness get the best of him.  This particular time he thought it would be funny to waylay his sister with a ball.  Unfortunately, it hit her in the face causing her to deeply resent her brother, and pursue her own vigilante justice.  Trying to avoid all of that, I called Ethan front and center and asked why he did what he did.  Twice I asked him and twice he shrugged his shoulders.  Frustrated, I put him in timeout for a time, made him ask for forgiveness of his sister, and implored him to play nice.

The man politely complemented Stacy and I on how we manage our children and affirmed us to continue pursuing our children in the Lord.  With that, he humbly asked if he could speak a few words of wisdom into our life; particularly in how we deal with our children in times of discipline.  The older saint had noticed that I asked Ethan why he did what he did twice, and twice he shrugged his shoulders.  This gentleman suggested that instead of asking why, that we should ask him if he knew what he did, and if it was right or wrong.  He explained that we know why he disobeys, or acts foolishly.  Ethan is a sinner just like you and me.   However, Ethan does not have a category for his sinfulness yet.  To help develop his understanding of sin, it might be better to identify what he did, and if it was right or wrong.  If he does not know it is wrong, you have an opportunity to instruct him on the morality of God.  If he knows it is wrong, then you will have the opportunity to teach him the consequences for violating God's righteousness, and the grace available in Christ.

Protected, Pruned, and Cultivated

My wife and I deeply appreciated what this man did for us.  He protected our faith in the gospel by speaking truth into our lives in a loving and humble manner.  He pruned our parenting in helping us cut away something that was not helpful in bringing clarity and understanding to my sons faith.  He cultivated our family, particularly our children, by providing a solution that better presented the gospel in times of direct instruction or discipline.  In short, he and his wife, are a means of God's grace for the health and spiritual growth of my family.

Something To Consider: Courage and Humility, Love and Submission

The beauty of the above example is two fold; the vine was willing to be dressed by the vine dresser, and the vine dresser was willing to nurture the vine.  It took love and courage for the older saint to come to me and tell me that my way of instructing my child needed to be tweaked.  It took love and submission to be able to hear his words and joyfully accept them.

From this experience I have learned that inter-generational relationships are means of God's grace in tending the vine in a families spiritual health and gorwth.  My family is now more in line with the gospel than it was before.  I am using what I was given to provide clarity for my son and his relationship with his Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  I look forward to spending more time with this vine dresser.  I pray that he will help me learn the way of tending the vine as well.

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